I've been on and off and on and off for so long, I think I've worn a groove into my mind about how fitness is supposed to be done. Which sucks, since it's not the way things should go.
I have been pretty good the last couple of weeks, hitting the gym pretty regular (but not really regular). I've been needing to get some real schedule and routine happening, and I'm not getting there.
On the plus side of things, I did work the SS stuff until I hit a plateau (which I'm working through the reset and rebuild part now). On the negative side, I'm afraid that vanity may start to hinder my progress.
It's been on my mind lot lately that I'm not looking very good. And that kind of thinking wears on me pretty badly. It's not that anyone is saying it, but I get little things from people that make me thinks that they're thinking it. And of course, I say it to myself - in my head.
So, of course, it wears me down. Which sucks in the long run.
My current bit of vanity is around my arms. I'd like bigger arms. I know how to get them - focused exercise regime targeting the arms. But, I have concerns that really hammering my arms will leave them too tired to do the SS workouts properly. I'll be hindering overall growth to further non-functional, yet physically attractive - growth.
It's not a good plan, but I think I'll probably succumb to vanity.
The other bit is my weight. I'm still hovering between 195 and 200 pounds. A bad spot mentally, since I'd hoped to be far under that point by this time of the year.
The main reason I'm still in the same spot is a lack of discipline. I eat like crap, and I know it. But I don't do anything about it. I just keep doing the same wrong things.
A big part of it has to do with the fact that while I'm unhappy (and occasionally bothered) being the weight I am, at the same time, I'm not dissatisfied enough with myself to kick my own ass into making the necessary changes.
When I hit the 200 pound mark, then I get myself going again, and by the time I'm down to 195, I feel relatively good enough about myself that I just stop trying anymore.
I could be 180 pounds. I know this. It would take a small amount of discipline, but not that much. It would mean me not eating cookies and not having chocolate every day, but I think I could do it without really inconveniencing myself too badly.
So, if I want to weigh less, and I know how to do it, why aren't I already doing it? I'm not sure. And that's been plaguing me all year. I just don't have the internal motivation to really keep me going. I know there's a weight plateau for myself at 195. Rolling out of it takes an effort. And just below that is another one at 190. Rolling out of that takes more effort. But once I'm out, the weight can drop cleanly off until about 178-180. Getting there would be the best thing for me.
I know that I need to stop whinging on about it and just start going. Once I get in there and get it started, the rest will fall into place. And by the time the end of the year gets here, I'll be in a better mental and physical spot.
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